After a long relationship ends, it can feel like you’ve forgotten how to be “you” on your own. Sarah, who recently separated from her partner, writes that she’s scared to go out alone and doesn’t know where to begin.
In this post, I’ll talk about how to start to rebuild your independence — with three steps to help you build self-confidence to get out there solo, alone, and live for you again.
I’m sharing a message I recieved from Sarah, it reads:
Dear Linda,
I recently separated from my partner. For years, we did everything together outside of work, and now that I’m on my own, I feel completely lost. I’m scared to go out on weekends or evenings by myself, and most of my friends are busy with their own families and lives. So I usually just go to work and come straight home. I’m not ready to start dating again, but I do want to start living again — maybe even take a vacation one day.
I just don’t know where to start.
Sarah
Thanks for reaching out to me Sarah, it’s new beginnings for you.
What you’re feeling is completely normal. When you’ve been part of a couple for a long time, it’s not just the person you miss — it’s the life you built together. The routines, the weekends, the little things that made up your everyday. And suddenly, you’re on your own, and it feels… strange. A bit empty. Maybe even scary.
You’ve got this, you will get through it. Its tough. I know, I’ve been there… and its tough for a while…. and the new self-discovery journey is worth it.
Heres the one thing — this is your opportunity to start reconnecting with you. To rediscover what you enjoy, and to rebuild your confidence in doing things solo.
Here are 3 steps to start:
- Mindset – decide to change and grow
- Action – small steps to new places
- Dine alone, and repeat
Step 1 – Mindset
This is where it all begins, mindset is everything. Decide that you can do things alone. You don’t need to have it all figured out — you just need to decide that change is possible. Adopt a growth mindset — meaning, you believe you can learn new skills, including how to feel confident in your own company. This isn’t about forcing yourself to be brave overnight; it’s about believing that with practice, you can grow and learn and build self-confidence and self-trust.
Decide to identify as someone who is single, and capable and strong, and free and can do things alone.
Decide to identify as someone who has self-confidence, listens to their gut, and trusts themselves.
Decide that you can build new skills.
What ever you focus on you will feel – whether it is true or not. Focus on fear, and, “I can’t”, then you will feel that; focus on confidence and “I can” – you will feel like you can. Focus on seeing yourself confidently doing things alone…and leveling-up.
Step 2 – Action: small steps to new places
Take action. Start by gently expanding your world again. Go for a walk in a different part of town, take a new route home, or visit a park or shop you’ve never been to before. It doesn’t have to be a big deal — the goal is just to practice being out there, in new surroundings, on your own. Each time you do it, you’re building confidence, bit by bit.
Keep doing this until you feel comfortable. As you repeat the actions... your anxiety reduces and you can manage it better. You can trust yourself to be in new places, and be confidence.
Build some street smarts: Being street smart means developing a strong sense of awareness, observation and intuition to navigate everyday situations safely and effectively. Its about being observant of your surroundings, understand peoples behavior, and making smart decisions, often without relying on formal knowledge.
Observe your environment, the buildings, the people, the sounds, what’s going on around you. Heighten your awareness, trust your gut..and if you don’t feel safe, then cross the road and walk away.
Track the wins. Focus on what you are learning and achieving. Write down your wins.
Step 3 – Dine solo
When you can dine alone… you can eat anywhere. You’ll become unstoppable
Take yourself to a café and sit in, rather than grabbing takeaway. Order a coffee and a sweet cake, or a meal, and stay. Bring a book or your journal if it helps. The first time might feel awkward, but after a few visits, you’ll start to notice something shift — you’ll realise you actually enjoy your own company. You’ll enjoy that no one is rushing you, or wanting to share your cake with you. Its all yours, your time, your cake.
Observe what is going on around you, take your focus away from anxieties and on to the environment. Listen to the music, watch the barista and staff, watch other people, look out the window, enjoy your coffee. Remind yourself to breath, and that you are building confidence… you’ve got this.
Celebrate the wins and do it again next week…with more confidence.
There you are… 3 steps to get started, now decide to change, take action, and practice. Action and repetition are essential for building new skills.
Once you start doing these little things, your world begins to open up again. You’ll start to see possibilities where before there was only fear. And one day, you’ll look back and realise you’ve gone from not wanting to go out alone… to planning that holiday you once thought you couldn’t do.
Inspired by Mel Robbins “Let them” theory, let them go, let them be busy and let me take myself out and do what lights me up, for me #letthem #MelRobbins
Sometimes the life we planned falls apart — not to break us, but to make space for the version of ourselves we haven’t met yet. Being alone and solo is not about being lonley, it is opportunity to get to know yourself really well, and its about being free, free to do what you want, when you want, where and how you want, for you. Opportunity to live your best life for you.
You’ve got this. Go solo. Enjoy the journey.
Linda
Linda Marie Travel 