Have you ever missed out on something you really wanted to do… just because no one else was free to go with you? Maybe your partner wasn’t interested, your friends were busy, or you just didn’t want to go alone.
Let’s talk about how to take back your power, stop waiting for someone to join you, and start enjoying your life on your own terms.
In my home town, in social circles.. Here is what I am constantly hearing:
“I couldn’t go because my partner didn’t want to”
“Oh , no my partner doesn’t enjoy that, so we didn’t go..but yeh I would have loved to ”
“My friends were busy”
“I didnt have anyone to go with”
“My friends have already seen it, so i cant find anyone to go with me”
…sound familiar?
What if…. you missing out wasn’t their fault?
It isn’t their fault.
Its fear in disguise.
You are scared to go alone, scared to go without them.
Lets unpack that fear.
Ask yourself – what are you missing out on, because you’re scared to go alone?
Is it cake and coffee at the cafe? A walk along the promenade at the beach? Is it an art exhibition? A movie at the cinema? That weekend getaway? your favorite band visiting your home city? The life long dream to visit Greek islands?
What are you putting off, because you are waiting for someone else to come with you?
How much do you want to do it? Do you want to miss out?
Think about it.
Which fear is greater… fear of missing out? or fear of going alone?
Here are 4 steps you can take.
Step 1. Who are you blaming?
Identify who you are blaming.
Who do you think is at fault?
Who are you waiting on? Who is too busy? Who has their own lives? Who doesnt want to go ?
Who are you missing? Who is not around any more in your life? Are you divorced, seperated, single, lost someone close to you? Your friend has moved interstate? Are you still waiting for them?
Now, take a deep breath, and put them aside.
It isn’t about them.
It’s about you. Focus on you.
Step 2. What do you want to do?
Write down the things you love to do, the things that light you up.
Write down where you want to go, experiences you want to have.
Step 3. Name your fear
What is it that scares you about doing it? Those things you are missing out on.
Name the fear, label it, write it down.
Imagine you are going on your own, what scares you?
Most people think…well I cant go on my own because… “people will stare at me”, “people will think I am lonely”, “I don’t know how to buy a ticket myself”, “I’ve never sat at a table alone”.
Here’s something to think about – you’ve seen people doing those things alone before right? You’ve seen someone sitting at a café, sipping their coffee, enjoying their cake, taking their time — and they look peaceful, even content.
You might have thought, “Gee, I wish I could do that.”
Hey, I think we all know that person who just gets up from the table to leave as soon as the last mouthful is swallowed. Actually, they haven’t even swallowed it all yet, and they are, like – “lets go!”. But, you just want to sit and savor and digest and relax for a few more minutes.
Back to you… looking at that content, peaceful person at the cafe alone.
Or maybe you thought, “That looks lonely.”
But your thoughts didn’t change their experience, did they?
They were still there, doing their thing — not caring what anyone thought.
They didn’t even know what you were thinking.
So put yourself in their shoes… or in their chair at the cafe.
Imagine yourself sitting there, the chair across from you is empty.
Your favorite cake and coffee is on its’ way.
You have all the time and peace and freedom.
And, you don’t know what anyone else is thinking. Sure your mind can make up all sorts of worse case scenarios. You could think ”everyone’s looking at me”, “I must look like a sad person”
Or you could think, “I am so proud of myself!”, “I’m doing this”, “this is my time. I can“.
“I’m going to enjoy this cake.”
“I am so grateful for this today.”
“I like the music they are playing”
“Geez its busy in here today”
“That table of ladies is noisy over there! they are having fun.”
“That kid cant sit still for a minute, glad they are not with me. “
“Here’s my cake”
“Wow! I really like her dress!
“This cake is awesome… so happy that I am here! ”
This brings us to
Step 4. Make a decision and take action
Make a decision, decide you can do what you want, even if it is alone; then you can take action.
Shift your mindset.
Remember, the fear of doing something alone often feels bigger than the act itself.
But the anticipation — that story your brain tells you before you even go — that’s where the pain lives.
So, how do you manage it?
- Practice self-talk: “I can do this.”
- Learn the simple skills: how to buy the ticket; how to make the booking.
- Choose your comfort:
- at a cafe — maybe a table by the window where you can people-watch, or one tucked away in the corner.
- at a cinema – what time do you want to go? where do you want to sit?
- when, where, how suits YOU best?
- Make a plan — small steps toward independence.
Take action. Do something. Start with small steps, but do something, not nothing.
Feel the fear — and do it anyway. Manage your anxieties with a positive mindset.
Its not always easy, I know its not. Its tough. Its scary. I’ve been there.
I changed my life, and learnt to go solo after my divorce.
Because missing out hurts more than trying and feeling a little uncomfortable.
Don’t let “they’re busy” or “they don’t want to” stop you.
Take yourself. Go solo.
Challenge
Challenge for you this week: spend half an hour, or one hour, doing something you’d usually wait for someone else to do with you.
Maybe it’s having coffee and cake at a café.
Maybe it’s walking by the beach.
Maybe it’s going to a movie or that art exhibition you’ve been putting off.
Whatever it is, make the time, plan and action for you
Going solo isn’t about being lonely — it’s about freedom.
The freedom to enjoy what you love, without waiting for permission.
Inspired by Mel Robbins “let them theory” – let them be busy, let them do their thing, and let me hold myself up high, and take myself out. #letthem
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Until next time—enjoy the journey, every moment of it, and go solo.
You’ve got this. – Linda
- ✅1. Who are you blaming?
- ✅2. What do you want to do?
- ✅3. Name the fear.
- ✅4. Make a decision and take action.
Linda Marie Travel 