Do you know what to do when you have free time to yourself? Do you know yourself well enough to take the opportunity to do things you enjoy and that light you up? Or do you freeze, panic, stress and have to ask someone else what you could be doing?
Lets talk about how to reconnect with yourself, and make the most of free time. What is “free time”?
Free Time:
- time that is free from duties or responsibilities.
- time available for hobbies and other activities that you enjoy
Synonyms: spare time
“Free time.” Vocabulary.com Dictionary, Vocabulary.com, https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/free time. Accessed 08 Nov. 2025.
I love those online travel planning communities — people helping each other, sharing tips, planning adventures. I am in a few, including Bali, Phuket, Thailand, Greece, Italy, France. I’ve learned plenty from them myself, and I enjoy giving back when I can. But there’s one kind of post, usually on the Bali community, that really catches my attention, because it says so much about self-confidence and self-connection.
It usually starts like this:
“Help! My boyfriend / partner is booked in for a tattoo for ten hours — what can I do?”
Or, “My friend’s flight leaves six hours before mine — what can I do without her?”
And yes, it’s almost always from women.
Now, when the roles are reversed — say, a guy’s partner goes off for a spa treatment — many of them seem to have a plan ready to go. They know what they are doing, straight to the sports bar to watch the game, and enjoy a Bintang. Not all, of course, but you get the picture!
Some people just know what to do with their time.
Others… freeze up when they suddenly find themselves alone. Panic.
I think that’s where it gets interesting. Because when I read through the comments on those posts, some people suggest tourist attractions, or day tours. However, most people reply with things like, “Just do what you want to do!”, “What do you want to do?”, “We can’t tell you, what do you like to do?”.
But for the author of the post, that’s the problem — they don’t know what they want.
There are really two kinds of people:
those who know themselves… and those who have lost touch with who they are. This becomes evident when they find themselves alone.
So let me ask you — if you were on holiday and your partner was off doing their own thing , like a tattoo or beauty treatment, for a few hours, how would you feel?
Would you think, “Oh no, what am I going to do now?” feeling panic, lost, disappointed, fearful?
Or would you light up and say, “Perfect! I can finally do that thing I love?” And you know exactly what you want to do without them; without them hanging around, rushing you, complaining, comprising, tolerating. You’re going to do something they don’t’ enjoy and something you do enjoy on your own.
I’m sure the pleas for help online are a minority of people …
I think for many women, if their partner is booked in for a tattoo, they’ll be like, “yes!, I’m going shopping. I’m getting a spa treatment. I’m going to hang out at those shops—the ones my partner doesn’t like and gets bored in.” And they can spend as long as they want shopping, or just sit down and enjoy a cocktail or a coffee.or walk on the beach, Or sit by the pool and read a book in peace. Yay!
Most people are not asking for help, however I am surprised by the frequent posts where people do.
Note: Just want to say, I’m not making gender assumptions, gender roles… hey I have tattoos too! I’m just telling it like I’m observing these social posts.
Multi-day tours
Hey, similarly – if you are on a multi-day tour, solo, do you know what to do with yourself when you are given ‘free time’ from the group? Do you jump at the opportunity to go off alone and do what you love? Or do you follow someone else in the group?
What is the real problem?
Lets talk about what the real problem is here, and some steps you can take.
I’m talking to the people who don’t know what to do when they have “free time”; when their friend, partner, bestie, is doing something without them. When they find them selves alone, and lost as to what to do with their time.
The real issue isn’t the spare time — it could be the discomfort of being with yourself, it’s not knowing yourself anymore, it’s giving away your power, its not allowing yourself to put your needs first.
You might not be used to putting yourself first. You might have spent years caring for others, doing what they enjoy, making sure everyone else is happy — and somewhere along the way, you forgot you. You are not looking after yourself or your own needs; you dont know what you want, or who you are anymore as your self, alone.
I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to lose yourself in the roles of wife, mother, employee… until one day you realise you don’t even know what colour you like anymore. You’ve given so much of yourself away that there’s nothing left that feels like you.
But here’s the good news — you can find your way back.
And it starts small.
Three simple steps to reconnect with yourself
Step 1. What do you enjoy ?
Make a list of the things you enjoy doing. You. Not what others think you should enjoy — what genuinely makes you feel alive. If everyone else disappeared out of your life, what would you do just for you? What do you enjoy? What lights you up?
Step 2. Why do you enjoy it ?
Write down why you enjoy each thing. What does it give you? How does it make you feel? Understanding your “why” gives meaning to your choices — and motivation to do them. Why do you enjoy doing that?
This will also help weed out those things, that you think you should do because of other people. If your answer to why is…”well I don’t actually”, or because “they say I should”. Then think again.
Step 3. Plan for action
Make time for yourself, even just half an hour, an hour, to do something you love alone. No rushing, no sharing, no compromises. Just you and your joy. Do what you want, when and how you want to, alone.
The more you practice doing what you need, for you, and being comfortable with yourself, the more self-confident and free you become.
Get to know yourself again.
Next time…
So next time life hands you some free time, don’t see it as a problem — see it as an opportunity. A few hours just for you, to reconnect, to breathe, to be who you are without anyone else’s expectations.
You might just rediscover the person you’ve been missing — you.
If this post spoke to you, share it with someone who might need that gentle reminder too. And remember — solo doesn’t mean lonely. It means freedom.
You’ve got this. Go solo. Enjoy the journey. – Linda
Linda Marie Travel 